Finding the right shoes

On my birthday we went to Nashville to eat at a the Rainforest Cafe and do a little shopping.  I haven't been shopping for myself since last summer so it was a treat.  The boys helped me pick out some shoes and it was hilarious.  

and of course a 31 year old pic...first time I've had to smooth out my skin while editing...hmmm

Heavenly visits from family

Last January when I was going through a really rough time, my sweet brother Daniel surprised me for a weekend visit.  He even brought his son Aaron along.  His visit filled my soul with happiness and I really needed it at that time.  The boys loved building fort that filled the living room with Uncle Daniel.

In May, my amazing father drove my brother from Utah to Indiana and then drove another 5 hours to visit me just for a night and then headed back to IN to help Daniel move his stuff into storage.  It was wonderful to just see him and be around him.  The boys loved the waterguns Grandpa brought them.

In June, Daniel, Adrienne, and Aaron came for a visit and it was HEAVENLY!  I just love them all and being around them was glorious in every way.  One day went to Nashville Shores (a water park on the lake in Nashville) from 10-5pm, then sat on the grass in front of the Opry listening to a free concert by Easton Corbin, and then ate dinner at the Aquarium (an indoor restaurant with a huge aquarium).  It was one of those days that just felt perfect.  Also while they were here, we gave them a Mother's Day and Father's Day gift to go find out the sex of their baby.  They'll be having another baby boy in about 21 weeks and we are thrilled for them!  I'm so thankful my parents had another child as I feel a special connection with Daniel and will forever be thankful for his presence in my life.

Sometimes I wish time could just stand still:

 The boys with their cousin Aaron.

 Boys got into the chocolate. =)

There's a jungle in our backyard

One corner of our backyard we haven't cut and the grass has grown beautifully high.  The kids love playing in the tall grass.  When I stated I was going to cut it Jax said, "No mom, then we wont be able to hide in it."  So it's stayed as part of backyard play.

26 weeks of A-Z

Well, we did it... and I loved it.  Who knew I would ever love teaching 4-5 year olds getting ready for Kindergarten.  I created my own routine and curriculum and I think it turned out pretty well.

I made binders for each kid with picture collages of our funness, their work/writing/art, and a love letter from me.


Talon James, I did this for you and I'm so happy we did it together.  I loved seeing your enthusiasm for learning. You are such a social bug and this was the perfect combination for you.  Even Colton jumped on the bandwagon and participated just like he was 4 yrs.  I hope you'll keep your smiles on this up coming school year and fill your mind with great things...just "for the love of learning."

The year through pics:

"Learning to Dance in the Rain"...year 30

Remember a year ago when I set a new goal for my 30's..."Come what may and love it and watch me dance in the rain" I believe is what I said...

So how was I doing...

It's been hard, definitely not coming naturally, but I've given it a try.

I purchased a cute sign and have it above my desk where I sit everyday to do some form of work on the computer.

Spent a month preparing a whole Relief Society Meeting/Activity about it.  Tried to get sisters from our ward to dance in the rain with me so we could make this flyer and a music video (watch below).

The RS activity went well- here's how the evening flowed:

Learning to DANCE in the rAiN

6:00 Sierra- write statistics & quotes on board

Kasey & Virginia- set up lemonade and muffins

Christy- set up craft station

Amber- decorate with umbrella’s & rainboots

6:30 Amber- Welcome

Opening Song & Prayer

Virginia- Neighbor positive comment activity 

6:40 Sis. Aliki (RS Pres & therapist)- How is it we become what we think?

How does God view us (ideas posted around the room)

Word Card

Hillary Weeks Blog Entry

Write 5 positive words about ourselves

Mother’s do this for your children, Wives do it for your spouse

6:50   What influences our thinking.  Place items in big bowl (brain).  3min. lessons. What they brought that inspires them, they can share under one of these categories.

Kasey D. Media (Internet, TV, Movies)

Sierra S. Music

Barbara H. Literature (including scriptures)

Tina W. People

Christy S. Environment (our homes, work place, where we hang out)

Katie M. Exercise

Virginia N. Nutrition

7:20 The Holy Ghost & Choices (Amber)

ACTION PLAN 

Decide:  Is this a thought from God or the Adversary

Choose:  Will this thought invite the Holy Ghost?

Act:  How will you change your thought 

• sing a primary song in my head
• quote a scripture or thought
• think of someone you love like your children or spouse
• change environment
• pray
• change to positive affirmation statement (view list)

7:25  Staying positive amongst trials?  (Adalia Redd- lost her husband last summer in helicopter accident)

Give yourself the best chance by surrounding yourselves with all the good things we discussed.

With God all things are possible!

“Dancing in the Rain”- video

7:30  Craft w/ Christy

Make scrap flower for hair, jewelry, or clothes

7:45 Closing prayer

Refreshments

8:00   Clean up 

I remember one day while filming literally just yelling, "so what if my husband's going to be deployed for 9 months --- I can totally do this!"  I had just miscarried a week or two previously and was still quite hormonal/emotional, the Army unexpectedly whisked Doug away into field training and wasn't home and I was literally fighting some serious negative thoughts on this whole deployment thing...this was the worse case scenerio of deployments in my mind (though I have friends who's situations are way worse) and then all the what if he doesn't come home thoughts were creeping around.  This same day while we danced in the rain one of my good friends, Virginia's husband had just left unexpectedly for a 9 month deployment a few weeks previously and another friend Sierra was diagnosed with breast cancer then it went away...miracle and another friend Kasey was miserably sick with her first child.  Each of us going through something, and trying to reflect on the positive as we "danced in our rain."  I really felt this whole activity came at a time I was fighting negative thoughts and was an opportunity to live what we were about to preach. (p.s. I loved my RS activity planning committee)

This whole idea was inspired by Elder Wirthlin's conference talk titled, "Come what may and love it" and from Hillary Week's T.O.F.W. clicking experiment.  (Watch below)



Video disclaimer:  I have a very talented videographer friend who kindly threw this together for us last minute as she was moving and had literally one night to do it and feels she could have done it much better with more time and footage, so she doesn't want me to give her credit.  Nonetheless it fulfilled it's purposes just fine...though embarrassing me a bit...really wish I could have convinced someone else to play the lead as I'm NO actress and felt funny being in front of the camera like this.

"I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord...

over mountains or plains or sea...I'll stay in Tennessee while my husband's deployed, since this is where I feel I should be." (to be sung to the tune of the hymn "I'll go where you want me to go")

So all along my plan was to moved to Utah when Doug was to be gone.  And as circumstances would have it, Doug will be gone the entire school year which would work out nicely to move to Utah and have the boys in school.  I thought about all the positives and weighed out the negatives.

Pros:
1. My kids could create bonds with their grandparents and aunt/uncles.
2.  I could create stronger bonds with my siblings.  2 will be seniors, 1 will be turning 16 and a Jr., and the other two will be turning 12 and 9 this upcoming year.  I could attend football games, tennis matches, musical theater productions, ballroom dance competitions, soccer games, baseball games, play board games, and have long chats about boys with my sister who I would love to be there for during this time in her life.
3. I could attend the temple frequently.
4. I could eat Sunday dinners with my family.
5. I could enjoy all Utah has to offer for kids/families.
6. I could play with Jana and Cristina who live close to my mom's house now.
7. I could sing songs on the piano with Hunter and he could give my kids mini piano lessons.
8. I could pamper my super stressed, over worked mother with her cleaning angel (I'd hire her) and make meals for her family a couple times a week.  I could help in her garden and remind her that she's darling in every way.
9.  I could live in my Mom's basement apartment.
10. I would be able to see my Dad, Lori, Devin, Hannah, Gavin, Blake, my Mom, Dan, & Hunter regularly...how glorious would that be!
11. Save $.

Cons:
1. Move out my house that I love.
2. Don't know exact day when Doug will leave for 9 months and what if it ends up beings 2 months after I move to Utah...that would be awful.
3. Have to find another house to move into when he gets back.
4. Family would witness my weaknesses as a mother and personally.
5. Could create rifts between family relationships.
6. Have to watch my kids like a hawk that they don't destroy property that's not theirs or bother someone.

And then something happened amongst my planning to move to Utah...out of the blue I just started thinking about staying...."why am I thinking about staying in TN"....I'm super excited to go on my Utah adventure, why am I even considering it...is this from the Lord because I know it's not what was on my radar...

After much thought, prayer, more thought, prayer, fasting, etc. I feel like I'm supposed to stay.  WHY?  I don't know. But I just can't help but think this was the whisperings of the Spirit prompting me.

So now the Pros are:
1.  Stability and it doesn't matter when Doug leaves and comes home...we'll be here.
2.  Don't have to pack up and move and find another house later.
3.  Great friends here.
4.  Opportunity to serve in the church and to stay productive and busy.
5.  Will only have one kid at home between 7:45-3:15...what will that be like???
6.  Ready to go out and find the 100 sisters that are on our roster that we don't know who they are.
7.  And the biggest pro is PEACE...knowing I'm where the Lord needs me to be (even if it's not where I would have put me).
8.  Won't have to worry about my kids in my house or keeping on good terms with family.

Cons:
1.  Spending more money because yes, I plan on visiting Utah.  And yes, I plan on hiring sitters OFTEN.  And I think I'll hire someone to mow my lawn and maybe clean my house once a month too.
2.  Missing out on all the family bonding that could occur.
3.  Might get lonely, overwhelmed, or have to deal with all the crazy thoughts I have about being alone in my house at night and what was that noise...will have to get in some more 9mm shooting time in.  (Doug will like that)
4.  Have to deal with taking a kid to the ER and drag all the others with me when it's 2am. Or other emergency situations on my own.
5.  Boys will probably get a tired mommy who doesn't give them as much attention as they need/want.

I'm currently praying a righteous Priesthood holder and his wonderful family will move within walking distance of us...or on my street (even better)!

I do know that the Lord's plan is always better than mine.  He is all knowing and if He says stay, then I say ok.  I know God's plan will always lead to joy and peace and I'm sure I'll feel closer to Him through this experience as I'll have to rely so much more on Him to give me strength to be the mother I want to be for my children.  I know He loves us and will be there with us through this journey.

Christlike...

behavior is what we're working on in our home.  It's our current "Be" word for preschool and what Talon spoke about in Primary on Sunday.  It's appropriate as we enter the next 4-5 weeks of being daddyless.  I'll need to remember it esp. during my moments of exhaustion.

So today Jaxon exclaims,"Mom, my school bus driver is like Jesus...she has a nail in her tongue and in her belly."  I paused for a moment and said, "She is very kind and friendly like Jesus."

For Easter I had the preschool kids list Christlike characteristics.  We put them in eggs and hid them around the house.  They loved it and so did I as opportunities arouse that day to talk about being Christlike.  I decided we needed to make this whole month centered around being Christlike as it does encompass so much of our behavior.

We had the most glorious Easter celebration as it started Friday morning with the boys playing hide and seek and finding their Easter baskets under a blanket in the closet under the stairs.  They were purely delighted.  It's always joyous to see our children experiencing happiness.

Doug and I jumped on a flight out to North Carolina to be there for our dear friends Bridget and Chris Gitthens baptism over the weekend.  We'd known them from when we lived in South Boston, Virginia 6 years ago.  While we lived there we gave them a Book of Mormon and I bore my testimony in a very lengthly letter.  I also gave her some cd's with inspirational music.  They attended Jaxon's baby blessing and were there when we spoke in church in our tiny little branch.  We were just one of the many seeds that were planted in their lives.

A few weeks previously they emailed us and told us they were being baptised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Our hearts were filled with so much joy as we feel our friends choice will bring them an abundance of blessings- the gift of the Holy Ghost, a chance to be sealed for eternity as a family, the posterity that will rejoice in Christ's Gospel, etc.  As I watched their children sing the words of "I feel my Savior's Love" with the entire primary choir, I teared up thinking "how do they know this song...it's as if they've come home...many lives will be blessed...oh so much joy!"

Doug participated in Bridget's baptism and Chris' confirmation.  The spirit was so strong both during the baptism and during Sacrament meeting the next day.  Both of their parents and some siblings were in attendance and I just keep thinking "how could they not have felt God's love during the services...it was so intense and beautiful and it was all about our Savior, Jesus Christ."

What did we do with the kids you ask?  Our kind neighbor watched them and then a friend took them to church.  We arrived home in time to have a pot luck Easter dinner with friends.

Ok, time to take a moment

I've been so busy the last few months that I'm really having to analyze my life, specifically searching for some balance.  Last Saturday was the tip of the crazy iceberg as it began with:

a photo shoot
then taking Jaxon to library
home for 2 hours to eat, edit, and admire Doug's new holster he's making out of leather
then to Sam's club to pick up baby shower gifts, then to 2 different baby showers,
then the grocery store for some necessities
then another photo shoot
then on a date with Doug to the adult session of stake conference where the Spirit spoke to me and said,

"PRIORITIZE"
"Slow down"
"it's ok to just be home with your family and you don't have to consume your thoughts with Relief Society"
"BALANCE"
"pray to accomplish the things that are of most importance that day"

So I'm taking some time to contemplate those most important things in life.

1.  The Lord
2.  My loving Husband
3.  The beautiful children the Lord has blessed me with
4.  Myself...Doug keeps telling me I need to do things for me.
5.  Housework???
6.  Responsibilities of being Relief Society President

It's so easy to put #6 as #1 as I feel I've got to be serving the sisters, seeking inspiration for callings and visiting teaching routes, somehow bringing the joy of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to every inactive sister, making sure this sister knows she's loved and that sister knows she's supported, making dinner invitations and playdates to befriend others, etc.

After spending the previous Saturday all day in Nashville at a regional RS meeting/training with Sis. Allred from the General RS Presidency, I came home to a husband who had tended to the kids, made dinner, and after about 2 hours with the family I received a phone call of a sister who needed immediate help.  I then spent the next 5.5 hours in the ER, later Bishop showed up and he and his wife stayed until 3:30am and let me go home to get some rest.  While there we witnessed a horrific scene.  A motorcycle accident had occurred, the "pack" along with friends and family rushed to the ER and they learned their loved one had passed away...wailing, mourning of all forms began to fill the waiting room.  As I sat there in the corner my heart just ached.  I ached for the women screaming "NOOOO!" I ached for the older woman who's legs gave out when she learned the news, I ached for the scary man with leather and tattoos who about put a hole in the glass door.  I wanted to bring comfort somehow to those hearts who were feeling such anguish and pain. I knew none of us there could give them the peace they needed.  But I did gently feel that there was one who could.  One who knows how to succor His people.  One who understands anguish, heartache, pain so intense that caused Him to bleed from every pore.

I know Jesus Christ is the only one who can bring peace to our souls...real, everlasting peace.  He is the Prince of Peace.  His love for us conquers all sorrow, all temptations, all sins.  Christ is our savior and the shepherd of our souls.  He can save us fro our sins, heal of us our infirmities, and lead us to a place of endless joy...exaltation.

I thought of all the recent interactions I have had with people loosing loved ones and it terrifies me that I might loose Doug.  I have a friend who lost her husband in a helicopter training accident last summer after only being married for a month.  I did a photo shoot for her in his memory recently and it was an unforgettable experience and feeling. (click here to see her photo shoot)

That night I came home from the ER, crawled into bed with Doug and snuggled up and just thanked my Father in Heaven that Doug was there.  I don't know what I would do without him.  Doug is my everything.  His upcoming deployment scares me as I know there's a chance he might not come back the same mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically...or at all.  I know, horrible thoughts.  But none the less, they are real to me.  It makes me want to make the next 5 months the best ever.  (P.S.  I should add that I know Doug will be watched over and protected according to the Lords will and Doug does not fear any of these things...)

So with me trying to find some balance between all the good things in life.  I want to make sure that I'm living my days in accordance to the Lord's will for myself and loving my husband and children the best I can.  My life is good because we are together.  I want them to know and feel that they are my priority.  And if this means I can't be a superhero RS president (or photographer or preschool teacher or best friend to everyone), but that the sisters know I love the Lord, my husband and my children, then that's good enough for me.

Spring Time Family Photos

I know I have mounds of blogging to catch up on, but until then.  Here are our recent family photos taken by my dear friend Pela.

If you look close, Colt is wearing a WVU shirt and Tal has BYU...just a little something fun.

This one she told the boys to smile and me to make a face.

Decemberness that needs not be forgotten

Doug and I enjoyed a date night to his work Christmas party.

Jaxon's 6th birthday.  We went to a gymanstics place to tumble, run, and jump.  Jax loved getting a double lightsaber from Nana, money from G & G McArthur, and a cross bow from mom and dad.

  Doug entertained us with his moves.

all the kids who came

Doug's 32nd birthday.  His brother Ben, Janelle, & baby Bendigo arrived to spend the next couple of weeks.  We, of course, went shooting to celebrate.

Colton's 2nd birthday was celebrated with his favorite food stir fry noodles and he was thrilled to ride his "new to him" but used (got it for $25) jeep hotwheels.  He always envied the neighbor boys who rode theirs and there was not stoppin him when he saw it.

And here's my extremely adorable 2 year old who loves anything advenurous, thinks he's 5, wants to eat yogurt and cheese sticks all day long, very loveable and laughable.

And here he is receiving torture...I mean a haircut.  What a sad cutie pie.

seeks comfort in his "bankie"

Ready for any adventure...did I mention he's always trying to go outside (I like the vest and boots he put on over his footed pj's.