In honor of Memorial Day...I'm remembering

PART 1 “In God We Trust”

“I’m sorry to announce...we just lost Brother Wallace to the war yesterday,” the bishop of our new ward said tearfully.  “What? Who?  Did this really just happen?” were the thoughts running through my head.  We were new to Fort Campbell, KY, home of the 101st Airborne Division and did not know this man but as the compassionate service lady asked for volunteers to bring meals I couldn’t keep my hand down.  

That evening I wrote in my journal about the Wallace family and recorded my impressions of our new ward family. I wrote- The majority of the ward is Army with most of the men currently deployed.  I saw moms pushing babies in strollers around church while they escorted their other kids to class.  I saw many sad faces in which I wondered what their circumstances were.  I saw a bishopric that seemed desperate and emotional.  I saw women who seemed lonely, tired, and "in their own world" probably just trying to get through the day.”

Janelle Wallace, a woman of divine strength and unwavering trust in the Lord, answered the door.  Stunned by the smile on her face, I stumbled over my words of condolences and then remembered to back up and introduce myself as we’d never met before.  “Forgive me, I’m Amber McArthur...just moved to the area...I know you don’t know me but my heart ached when I learned of your husband’s passing...” Honestly, I was fearful of offending as I didn’t know the right words to say.  She immediately put me at ease with a smile that could’ve put spring blossoms on trees that were already changing colors.  I could see little ones running around in the background, four of them actually.  As she pulled the baby up to her hip, she invited me in.  On the walls I could see their family photos and I quickly learned she and her husband were in their early-mid 30’s with a beautiful growing family.  Their oldest would be baptized soon...just one of the many things I’m sure they would mourn that Dad couldn’t be there.  “Just preheat to 350 degrees and bake for 45 minutes,” I said as I placed the dish on the counter.  She thanked me, but my eyes held fast to her smile.  “How could she be smiling at a time like this?” my mind struggled to comprehend.  On my way out, Janelle gave me a hug and said, “I know I’ll see him again.  I know the Lord is carrying us through this.   I know it’s only by his strength and angels like you who lend support, that we will be ok.”  She testified with boldness, without a tear, with a conviction that I did not doubt her sincerity.  What she knew was humbling.

As I walked back to my car, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had just witness a miracle.  A miracle of the enabling power of Christ’s atonement.  She was standing with angels on her right and on her left just like the Lord promised in Doctrine and Covenants section 84 vs. 88.

This was the first of many, that I would witness the Lord giving strength to those who undoubtedly needed it.  The following stories are about some of my personal heroes who fought the fight here on the home front.  They are women, mothers, and some of the most capable, strong, courageous, happy, diligent, hard working, divine women I’ve ever been blessed to associate with.  

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11pm I get a phone call from Annalisa.  “I’ll be right over!” I said as I threw the covers over and whispered to Doug that I was leaving but would figure out a way to nurse the baby in the morning.

“Thanks for...(big breath) cooommmming...” she said with a little chuckle at the end of the contraction as Annalisa was always known for smiling and making the best of challenging situations.  For the next hour or so I watched her gently rock her hips back and forth and calmly discuss the game plan for her kids.  I would stay overnight and watch her kids until another woman from the ward would arrive in the morning.  Another friend from church was there ready to drive her to the hospital.  Since both of their husbands were currently defending our freedoms in Afghanistan, Tracy had her neighbor come over to stay with her 3 kids so she could be a comfort to Annalisa.  I loved watching the bond these two had as they were amazing at smiling through all the pain, frustration, and heartache deployments brought.  For Annalisa, she was quite used to her husband gone as his Army career took him away from the family often and for long periods of time.  She was going to have baby number four with Dad away this time.    

What amazed me about Annalisa was her ability to do more than I thought/felt humanly possibly.  She tandem nursed her baby and toddler, taught early morning seminary out of her home, was the F.R.G. leader (basically the Relief Society President of all the spouses who’s other half were deployed with her husband’s unit), organized a “mommy co-op preschool for her 4 year old, and somehow found time to make her garden grow in the clay/rock of Tennessee.  She mothered her kids with love and kindness, even when the toddler would throw fits at church, she’d throw him over her shoulder and wink at you on her way out to the hallway.  Not only was she good at making lemons into lemonade, but would make them into Sonic’s version of strawberry lemonade that makes your checks pinch in with goodness as you sipped from their ultra big red straws and delight in their refreshing zing in the hot southern summertime! Now that’s a gift!!!

Side note, Annalisa married in her 30’s, was having baby number 4 as she approached 40 but yet looked and acted 10 years younger.  

Before I shut my eyes to get some sleep on her couch, I offered a prayer, “Please strengthen Annalisa as she delivers her baby girl and in the months to follow...she really needs it.  Inspire my mind to know the best way to help support her through this.”  I couldn’t help but feel the room was filled with people.  I couldn’t see them, but felt her home was being watched over, protected, and that she would not be alone in raising her 4 kids, 7 and under. I felt humbled to witness this miracle, I shed a tear or two.  

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The next several years I witnessed women do what I deemed impossible.  I watched them fulfill their responsibilities with courage and faith.  From the first day Doug stepped into his commanding officer’s office and was offered his first deployment possibility, then the rollercoaster of deployment slottings my husband would be placed in and pulled from for the next several years, until the time he left with 3rd Brigade over to Afghanistan, I gleaned from being a bystander in these women’s lives. To name a few:

Denise, her husband had been in Afghanistan almost 8 years of their 16 year old daughter’s life. 

Kristi, moved to Utah with her daughters to help support her ailing father when her husband was assigned to Germany and then deployed with the unit there for 18 months.  They were predicted to be apart for nearly 2 years.  Her husband suffered a brain injury affecting his short term memory.  They had been apart more than they had been together during their marriage duration.  She was amazing at finding the humor in situations and would talk about their hardships with ease.  She was strong in her ability to do hard things.

Melissa, called me up saying, “Is it crazy if I jump on a flight to North Carolina as he has a 24 hour layover there? I could see him just for a short while...I miss him so much!”  He had just left the day before for his year long deployment.  The country song, “One More Day” took on newer meaning.  

Teressa, would relish in the moments her husband was around, as he would leave off and on throughout the year, even when unexpected deployments arose in the middle of the night and he would not return for a couple months.  Many holidays, birthdays, anniversaries she would do on her own.  Planning family time was almost impossible, so they were good at impromptu family outings when dad happened to be around.  She was always thinking of others, serving tirelessly, spoke calmly to her children, taught her kids to sit reverently during church, and she kept her home of 4 active boys and baby girl tidy.  She was one of the greatest sources of strength for me as I never heard her complain about their circumstance.  Her kids were hard working, disciplined, and I believe they owe it to their mother who dedicates her entire life to teaching her children truths.  

Then there’s the dark side that we don’t like to talk about.  There were also amazing women who fought for their marriages as pornography and sex addictions sought to take away eternal blessings.  Some women lost their husband to the appeal of a single soldier’s life- “free of family responsibility.” And other women’s marriages ended and they were left to figure out how to support/sustain their families. There were women, who would reach out a comforting hand when their husband would hit the  ground after fireworks were set off as their husband’s P.T.S.D was triggered.  Or when night terrors would strike.  They refrained from judgment, and loved unconditionally.  Sleeping in the same bed as your husband was viewed a good nights sleep, even if they had gotten up with the baby throughout the night. And there were the faithful women of those wounded warriors who’s lives have been drastically altered because mom has to be the bread winner and in home nurse to Dad.  Back injuries, leg injuries, brain injuries....you name it!  All these women are heroins as they fight daily to keep their families going and keep hope alive that one day their husband, whom is mentally, emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually different than they knew them to be, will one day be made whole through Christ’s atonement and the promised resurrection.

Fulfilling callings was always a challenge, but they did it.  I loved watching the music leader lead the music while bouncing a 4 month year old baby who was strapped to her chest.  Or the many babies who would entertain the Young Women and give them first hand experience as the teachers taught.  Or the frazzled nursery leader who was always understaff with the many toddlers running around screaming as their moms really needed some spiritual nourishment and an hour and half break from being a mom.  

Ward families, really became your family.  Everyone was new to the area, no one had extended family close by to render relief.  Many meals were brought, children were watched without timelines, grocery shopping was tended to as it was abnormal to go to the store without sending a text to someone who may need those few extra items, and even each others laundry was folded during playdates.  Most of the time this happened without a formal invite.  It was done because someone saw the need and met it.  And I’m talking about those women that could’ve used the service themselves, doing the serving.  These were woman who were the one man show at home who may not have had time to do their own dishes but would do them for someone else just because they knew it would help.  

I felt my time with these women was a gift from God.  To learn from, to lean on, to serve them, to be uplifted by their example of Christlike love, will have a lasting affect on me.  I was unaware of the daily service rendered by military families, even though my dad served 25 years in the Army, until I saw it (and then lived it) first hand as an Army spouse.  The sacrifices these women and men make to maintain our blessed freedoms is humbling and feels like we could never repay their service. It’s the reason why Doug and I can barely sing a patriotic song without a tear and why we can stand boldly and say, “In God we Trust!” It’s why I can testify with a stronger conviction that Jesus Christ is there to help us go through those life challenges that we may deem impossible.  

PART 2 “God is Good!”

I know the enabling powers of Christ’s atonement are real and will give us strength in our moments of doubt, fear, and when we feel our lives are crumbling before us.  The night before Doug left to Afghanistan, my heart was breaking in a million pieces as I fearfully mourned I might lose the man I loved so dearly.  Whether that was lose him physically or emotionally or mentally...or even spiritually as Satan works intensely on couples when they are apart.  I could barely catch my breath between sobs and prayed so fervently.  The next morning, I put on my blue rain boots as I was determined to “dance in the rain” (thank you Mrs. Hilary Weeks) during this 9 month separation.  We walked the kids to the school bus as a family and Doug said his goodbyes.  I remember Doug’s dad putting his hand on Doug’s shoulder offering comfort as emotions turned to tears.  The boys press their faces against the bus window and sent a loving wave goodbye.  Doug’s mom was quite emotional and fearful of her son’s safety.  I kept telling her he would be alright and she kept asking how I could say that so confidently.  I told her of the Priesthood blessing Doug had given me which offered comforting words that “we would joyfully reunite.”  I put my faith in those words.  When it was time for me to say goodbye, I was able to hug and kiss him, say “I’ll see you in 9”, without a single tear.   

That evening I remember getting ready for dinner and listening to Katherine Nelson’s “Born Brave” cd my mom had just sent me.  I danced to the words, “We were born to stand tall, we were born to face the wind...” as that’s what I do when there’s music in the air but this time I danced with belief...I believed I could stand tall and face the wind.  I believed the Lord would carry me through the challenges of single parenthood (at least mine was temporary) and I was determined to not just endure but to enjoy this time.  Every night I would pray for guardian angels to surround our home and protect us.  Every night, that prayer was answered.  I prayed for forgiveness when I lost my cool with my kids and they forgave.  I  prayed for safety for my husband and he was kept safe.  I prayed for our relationship to not be harmed by our separation, and it was surprisingly strengthened.  I prayed for comfort for our children when they’d cry for daddy at night, and it came.  I also felt the prayers of others on our behalf.  I felt more love and faith to do hard things.  

When the Lord offered a tender mercy on our behalf, for Doug to come home 2 months early as they were drawing down, we knew this was a gift from our Father in Heaven.  Counting down the days to his arrival, the boys and I were super giddy.  I felt like a teenage girl racing to the phone every time he called and my heart was jumping out of my chest.  While he was away, my love and appreciation for him increased rapidly. I longed to have him around.  My complaints of him not helping more around the house were gone- I just wanted him in the house.  I didn’t care if he riled the kids up before bed- I just wanted him there to kiss them goodnight.  My worries or concerns about money and our future were undermined by my desire to just be in his arms.  I didn’t dwell on the negative nearly as much as just to be in his presence would feel like Christmas- everyday!

So when the day arrived for us to reunite, the Lord kept his promise.  It was the most joyous feeling I can recall.  Even better than the day we were sealed and better than the day I met our children for the first time (and those were AMAZING days!).  I can still remember the bright, white, light surrounding us as we embraced with three little boys clinging to every inch of him they could reach.  The room was filled with hundreds of soldiers reuniting, but it felt like we were the only ones there.  I’ve never felt filled with so much joy where I wondered if my feet were on the ground.  The abundant gratitude I felt for my Heavenly Father was magnified with my increasing love for Him.  One of my favorite Nashville Tribute Band songs was playing on repeat in my mind, “God is good. Yeah, God is good. We’ve come so much farther than we thought we could.”  HE IS GOOD!  He is so soooooo good.  I know He loves us with more intensity than we can even comprehend and having experienced this heavenly reunion, I felt I may have captured a tiny glimpse into the joy we will feel when we one day reunite with our loved ones for eternity!