What's going on with me...

Placenta previa, hematomas, ultrasounds, nausea off and on, no traveling, no lifting, no exercising, pelvic rest, trying to stay positive, finally finished reading Alma, reading every Ensign article I can get my hands on about Faith, learning how to handle a very moody Talon, trying to keep Jaxon from escaping outdoors, too much Dora the Explorer and Backyardigans, a very supportive and loving husband, and a mother who just dedicated the last 2 weeks to cleaning my disasterous house, making yummy meals, taking my kids on walks and to the park, reading for hours on end Dinosaur text books to Jax, showing Talon how to do complicated puzzles, and teaching my children how to listen and obey their parents...she was our saving angel on so many levels.

Well, we did find out at our last ultrasound, we are having another BOY! His name will be Colton Tanner and so far our doctor thinks he'll be ok...I keep having feelings that he might not be as ok as she thinks. Hope Dr. Alexander is right and I'm wrong. She did say my placenta is much bigger than the normal prego person and so the egg size hemotoma blocking the placenta from giving nutrients to the baby doesn't seem to worry her. I couldn't believe that the hemotoma was almost as big as the 3 1/2" baby at our 14 week ultrasound. The hemotoma, which is a blood clot, was caused by the partial placental abrubtion I had at 12 weeks. I thought I was miscarrying because I bleed through almost 3 huge pads in about 6 hours. When I saw the doctor the next day, the bleeding had stopped and that's when this whole thing began. To prepare myself for the worse, my mind already took me to the "you're loosing this baby." But when we saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound, my heart was full of gratitude and relief.

The nurse told me I was to on strict bed rest, but my doctor told be to just take it easy by not lifting, not exercising, pelvic rest, not traveling farther than 30 minutes from the hospital in case I bleed again (placenta previa puts you at risk for hemoraging which could be fatal without a blood transfusion). So our 3 day drive to Utah on June 29th was cancelled and I missed my family's 4th of July pool party, Ben and Janelle's Wedding on the 7th, and all the family time we were going to enjoy all summer long until August 18th. Doug and I had even planned a week long getaway to Washington and Oregon which included another friends wedding and a beach house on the Oregon coast and visiting friends in the Vancouver/Portland area. Jaxon still asks to go to Blake's house (his 5 year old uncle that he loves) and doesn't understand why we aren't going. Luckily my mom came out to help and that was a huge blessing for us all.

So I know there's something I should be learning from all this and I hope I learn it soon. After spending the months of May and June sick 24/7 and in survival mode in our house, I feel like the little school girl who got grounded indoors all summer long. I know I should look at all the positives and there are many, but I'm just not totally there yet. I do feel blessed that the baby is ok and that my mother was able to come out and help. I also feel blessed that Doug will have 4 weeks off after this week and that he can help. I know the Lord lets us go through things like this to make us stronger in our faith in Him, I just hope that happens soon. Doug gave me a blessing blessing me with an increased faith and especially in Christ's atoning sacrifice. I know my trials are nothing compared to so many others and that Christ is there for us all during hard times. I know I'm brought to my knees a lot easier when I go through challenges and disappointments. If anything, this experience is giving me more sympathy for others who deal with physical challenges.

Thank you to all of you wonderful friends who have been so supportive. I love you all dearly and pray you are blessed for your selfless service.