In need of a Thankful post

All the many things I'm thankful for right now:

1. That Doug got up with Talon 5 times last night.
2. That Jaxon slept all night last night.
3. Seeing Jaxon take a nap with Aunt Kimmie.
4. Seeing Talon snuggle with Aunt Kimmie under a jacket while out in the snow to pick a Christmas tree.
5. That Mom McArthur bought us a real Christmas tree.
6. That Ben and Janelle could come visit and how they delight in playing with my boys.
7. That Grandpa Mac volunteered to throw snowballs with Jax since the rest of us were too cold.
8. That Jaxon doesn't seem to be phased by the cold and loves to wonder through the woods.
9. That there is heat in the McArthur home.
10. That the McArthurs open up their home and hearts to us.

Trying to fight the "I HATE hunting bug"

Warning: This is real side of Amber that has not come out in my blog before. Do not keep reading if you are in a judgmental mood, because I'm speaking true emotions with a touch of pregnancy hormones here.

Yes, that was HATE with all caps! Doug was gone all last week doing a pediatric rotation down in Charleston (3 1/2 hours a way) and I played single mom from Sunday night until Friday night. The Lord really did give me the strength to get through that week and that week was so much easier than "single parenting it" again today and tomorrow and the next (predictions of course). Doug told me back in Sept. his hunting agenda which included 5 days in Sept. (he shot 2 deer), none in October because he would already be busy 4 weekends out of the 5 due to 3 board exams (which he passed them all...what a blessing) and of course an all-day cowboy shoot, and then 4 days in November (3 of them during Thanksgiving break), and then he wants to go out for his "birthday hunt" in December. This is a 10 day total, which is better than last years 12 days.

So what's my problem...I hate that I can't enjoy these days that Doug is gone doing something he loves. The negative: my whole body hurts, especially these "old lady" hips that make me cry everytime I go up the stairs, put my pants on, or try to take my shoes off with my feet. We are having company come in tonight for a few days and it's all I can do to tell myself that I should be content with the house preparations made thus far even if there's at least 15 more hours of work that needs to be done. In my case that would be 30 hours of work since I'm crazy slow getting around. Both my kids are wanting so much more attention than I'm giving and therefore they are making constant messes, not listening and obeying, and super moody. I feel I'm mentally exhausted trying to think of new ways to get them to do what I ask and trying to avoid getting mad at all the disasters they create. Emotionally, it's frustrating that Doug's and my biggest fights are about his time away from the family...esp. hunting. I understand that it is an all day adventure and that's the nature of hunting, but I hate feeling like I'm competing against this sport. When we were dating and our first 2 years of marriage, every free moment we spent together. It was glorious! I know Doug loves me and that he values our family, but I really hate when he chooses to spend a day rejuvenating in the woods instead of being with us. Yes, I know we all need time to get our cups filled so we can keep going, I just wish it wasn't so time consuming. He'll wake up at 5am and begone until 8pm, then talk about his entire hunting day until bedtime in which he can barely sleep because he's so excited to do it again the next day. WOW!

Anyway, the hardest part of this whole thing is that I can't get rid of this "hating hunting bug." I wish I could just be ok with it and that it wasn't a big deal. I wish I had the strength do be supermom and that I could do it all. I hate fighting all the negative thoughts that enter my mind the entire day he's gone. By the time Doug gets home I've already had about 15 fights with him in my mind and am either geared up with the boxing gloves on or too exhausted to be nice. And by the way, I have shared all this with Doug but I don't think he totally gets where I'm coming from. And I know he'd say I don't understand where he's coming from. AHHHHHHH! I guess that's the nature of being imperfected beings. Maybe when I become that "Celestial" wife I'll be cheering at the thought of Doug spending his free time hunting and it won't be an issue...we'll lets be honest, by the time I'm that "celestial" there won't be any need for guns or bows or hunting...

If Jesus were to come to my house, I'd...

Really? Is he old enough to be on the stand, speaking into the microphone, sharing great words of wisdom in church? My little one is growing and I'm just loving it! What a sweet spirited young man he is. I just love his sincerity, honesty, good heartedness (is that a word?).

For the primary program in church, Jaxon was asked in advance, "How do you know Jesus loves you?" He replied, "because he blesses me." And then asked, "If Jesus were to come to your house what would you do?" He replied, "I'd jump and be happy!" They then took what he said and turned it into the 2 sentences he would say during the presentation. We'd rehearse, "Jesus loves me because he blesses me. If Jesus were to come to my house I'd jump and be happy." until Jax would say, "no more Mom" or "that's enough." When it came time for him to say his part, I was definitely the proud parent in the very back of the room beaming from ear to ear reciting the phrase with him in my head. He did well and I'm proud of him.

He sat reverently up on the stand and enjoyed the gummy worms his teacher was sneaking to all the sunbeams. =)

Since he was in the very front row, I was able to witness his sweet shyness as he just stood very still during the musical numbers with his mouth closed, eyes wide and looking around. Until the very last song which was, "Families can be Together Forever." In which we made eye contact through the rows of heads in front of me, gave each other big smiles, and sang the song together. It felt like we were singing the song to each other. It was one of those moments of joy knowing that because Doug and I were sealed in the Temple that Jaxon will always be apart of our family and those bonds are eternal. I just love him so much and appreciated that slice of heaven as we sang, "Families can be together Forever. Through Heavenly Father's plan. I always want to be with my own family and the Lord has shown me how I can."

Jaxy baby, I love you and love your love for the Lord. I love that you pray for Jesus, the baby in mommy's belly, and that Gretchen can come to your house again again again, in every prayer. I love to see you understand a new gospel principle like obedience and are now telling me to "listen and obey" to what you have to say. I love that you create games like the "sharing game" and teach Talon and I how to play it. I love that you give me hugs and kisses and think of every excuse possible to come down stairs and snuggle with me when you should be in bed. I love that the other day you cleaned up the entire living room just so you wouldn't have to be in bed...thanks for wanting to be a helper. I love that you play with Talon daily and that you include him in all you are doing. I love to see you be a leader and teacher with him. I pray you will always stay close to the Lord and that you'll make happy choices all your life so that when you see Jesus again, you really will want to "jump and be happy!" I love you!- mama