My sweet friend photographer friend, Jan Tenney, kept talking about wanting to take pictures of me pregnant. I've never really felt like I want my picture taken when I'm this big and don't feel great, but I'm glad we did it. It was fun to get dressed up and feel beautiful, but my favorite part of it was spending an hour with Doug holding hands or snuggled up with no kids around. I feel this pregnancy so much more distant from him and I don't like it. Trying to balance a sick pregnant wife, 4 kids, two jobs, and the stress of finding a house to live in was maxing Doug out...and me too. I wonder how large families keep their marriage strong with so many demands/responsibilities to keep up with. Doug and I dream of the time we might one day have to sneak away to Hawaii when I'm done nursing.
This could be our last pregnancy...we'll see what the Lord has in store, but I think it may take some spiritual prompting for both of us to act on having more. The whole time I was pregnant with Ezralee I felt like another baby would join our family soon after. And so it was. This time I feel like we could be done but maybe that's also because Doug definitely feels like we are done.
So here's to the sacrifice, humility, and miracle of bringing life into this world. It for sure has been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I remember being so sick with Jaxon and telling Doug, "We will NEVER do this again and that I hoped he be happy with one child." And here we are with pregnancy number 6 and baby #5 about to join our family.
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