"I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord...

over mountains or plains or sea...I'll stay in Tennessee while my husband's deployed, since this is where I feel I should be." (to be sung to the tune of the hymn "I'll go where you want me to go")

So all along my plan was to moved to Utah when Doug was to be gone.  And as circumstances would have it, Doug will be gone the entire school year which would work out nicely to move to Utah and have the boys in school.  I thought about all the positives and weighed out the negatives.

Pros:
1. My kids could create bonds with their grandparents and aunt/uncles.
2.  I could create stronger bonds with my siblings.  2 will be seniors, 1 will be turning 16 and a Jr., and the other two will be turning 12 and 9 this upcoming year.  I could attend football games, tennis matches, musical theater productions, ballroom dance competitions, soccer games, baseball games, play board games, and have long chats about boys with my sister who I would love to be there for during this time in her life.
3. I could attend the temple frequently.
4. I could eat Sunday dinners with my family.
5. I could enjoy all Utah has to offer for kids/families.
6. I could play with Jana and Cristina who live close to my mom's house now.
7. I could sing songs on the piano with Hunter and he could give my kids mini piano lessons.
8. I could pamper my super stressed, over worked mother with her cleaning angel (I'd hire her) and make meals for her family a couple times a week.  I could help in her garden and remind her that she's darling in every way.
9.  I could live in my Mom's basement apartment.
10. I would be able to see my Dad, Lori, Devin, Hannah, Gavin, Blake, my Mom, Dan, & Hunter regularly...how glorious would that be!
11. Save $.

Cons:
1. Move out my house that I love.
2. Don't know exact day when Doug will leave for 9 months and what if it ends up beings 2 months after I move to Utah...that would be awful.
3. Have to find another house to move into when he gets back.
4. Family would witness my weaknesses as a mother and personally.
5. Could create rifts between family relationships.
6. Have to watch my kids like a hawk that they don't destroy property that's not theirs or bother someone.

And then something happened amongst my planning to move to Utah...out of the blue I just started thinking about staying...."why am I thinking about staying in TN"....I'm super excited to go on my Utah adventure, why am I even considering it...is this from the Lord because I know it's not what was on my radar...

After much thought, prayer, more thought, prayer, fasting, etc. I feel like I'm supposed to stay.  WHY?  I don't know. But I just can't help but think this was the whisperings of the Spirit prompting me.

So now the Pros are:
1.  Stability and it doesn't matter when Doug leaves and comes home...we'll be here.
2.  Don't have to pack up and move and find another house later.
3.  Great friends here.
4.  Opportunity to serve in the church and to stay productive and busy.
5.  Will only have one kid at home between 7:45-3:15...what will that be like???
6.  Ready to go out and find the 100 sisters that are on our roster that we don't know who they are.
7.  And the biggest pro is PEACE...knowing I'm where the Lord needs me to be (even if it's not where I would have put me).
8.  Won't have to worry about my kids in my house or keeping on good terms with family.

Cons:
1.  Spending more money because yes, I plan on visiting Utah.  And yes, I plan on hiring sitters OFTEN.  And I think I'll hire someone to mow my lawn and maybe clean my house once a month too.
2.  Missing out on all the family bonding that could occur.
3.  Might get lonely, overwhelmed, or have to deal with all the crazy thoughts I have about being alone in my house at night and what was that noise...will have to get in some more 9mm shooting time in.  (Doug will like that)
4.  Have to deal with taking a kid to the ER and drag all the others with me when it's 2am. Or other emergency situations on my own.
5.  Boys will probably get a tired mommy who doesn't give them as much attention as they need/want.

I'm currently praying a righteous Priesthood holder and his wonderful family will move within walking distance of us...or on my street (even better)!

I do know that the Lord's plan is always better than mine.  He is all knowing and if He says stay, then I say ok.  I know God's plan will always lead to joy and peace and I'm sure I'll feel closer to Him through this experience as I'll have to rely so much more on Him to give me strength to be the mother I want to be for my children.  I know He loves us and will be there with us through this journey.