Halloween 2016- Peter Pan

For the last decade, we've been doing family costumes.  I thought this year might be our last so I the idea of "Neverland" or "Never Grow Up" was a perfect symbolism for my yearning to hold onto my kid's youth.  This was by far my favorite family photoshoot I've done...my very own family!!  How I love them all so much and LOVE them just as they are!

Very tender "Political" moment

(This is intended for my posterity to read and glean from, I do not invite any comments on this post)

This election year has caused many sleepless nights as I see America choosing leaders who do not magnify what I believe is great leadership.  And shouldn't the United States of America have plenty of great options to choose wise, honest, courageous, humble, kind, virtuous, experienced, service oriented leaders whose integrity, selflessness, and honorable character support their striving to lead and guide this great nation?  YES, we do have these kind of leaders, yet the two main party candidates that have been chosen by the voice of the people, do not magnify these strengths. Many of us feel we are left to choose the lesser of two evils or choose 3rd party candidates.  I choose this year to vote for someone I would want to be president and not settle.  I plan to vote for the Independent Candidate, Evan McMullin, as he is a man who I feel would be a great leader for our country.  I could write a long post about my study of him and his stances, and why I feel he is the best option, but I want this post to be about a tender moment I had with God.

As I layed down to rest while my babes are napping, the 13th article of faith popped in my mind.  I slowly contemplated the words, "If there is anything virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things."  I couldn't rest anymore, I leaped to my feet almost running for my scriptures in the living room.  I flipped open to the 13th article of faith and read,  "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things."
I know this scripture well.  I have it memorized.  I've always loved it and have it printed in a creative art form in my daughter's room.  THIS, this is why I can't vote for Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton.  THIS is why my heart has been seeking for a better option.  THIS is why I cringe at our modern day world of entertainment.  THIS is why I can't seem to shake the reality that our American values have shifted and many are choosing to believe that good is evil and evil is good just like the scriptures testify would happen in our day.

I continued to ponder about my "hoping" for a better outcome in this election. Or why I even believe there's a chance someone as great as Evan McMullin could possibly make an impact so late in the game.  It's because I HOPE FOR THINGS that are VIRTOUS, LOVELY, OF GOOD REPORT, OR PRAISEWORTHY."  It validated my HOPE!!!

I then went to the foot note attached to hope and it lead me to the topical guide.  I quickly glanced at the many scriptures it listed and Doctrine and Covenants Section 4: 5 stood out. I turned to it and I was fixed to the words, "And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work."  I continued to the next two verses, "Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence. Ask, and ye shall receive, knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Amen" (D&C 4:6-7). I decided I would pray about my choice.  I would take it to the Lord to confirm if I was making the right choice.

Upon ending my prayer, thoughts began to fill my mind very fluidly without interruption. It was almost like I was reading a letter from my Father in Heaven in my mind.  I choose to keep what He shared sacred in my heart, but I can testify that I felt an abundance of peace and even felt for a moment God's whole great plan would all work out and there was nothing to fear.  I felt in that moment the strength to conquer whatever obstacle I would face until my time is through here.  I felt a calming upon my heart that gave me strength beyond my own.  I knew in that moment that the Lord had heard my plea, that He was in charge leading this battle against Satan, that He truly cared about me and my family!

I stayed on my knees and desired to learn more, so I continued to read D&C 5:20-6:20.  Now I've read scriptures a lot, but I can count on my hands how many times I've been so engaged in the words that I couldn't read fast enough and felt the words, God's words, speak directly to me.  This was definitely one of the times.  I didn't want the moment to end.  And even here writing this now, I desire to go back that moment yesterday when I felt ever so close to my Father in Heaven!!!  I thank the Lord for caring about me and caring about all the people around the world.

I know God is in charge.  I know He has a plan for us.  I know if we follow God's plan, our lives will be blessed upon anything we can imagine.  I know this life is eternal.  Of this I testify, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Monson is one!

To my sweet Monson Boy,

My blogging world came to a halt the moment you arrived as somethings had to be left undone so I could relish in YOU a little more.  OH the indescribable joy you have brought to my life from the moment you came out of my belly and into my arms to the moment you leaned over and gave me a kiss and then giggled as I put you down for a nap this afternoon.  One day I will back track and record your birth story and post pics of your first year, but for now I just want to record about you.  

You, my little love, were supposed to come to our family soon after Zlee arrived.  As the promptings came during my pregnancy with Z.  You are the most easy going, happy, chill, patient, playful kid.  Its easy to get a smile or a giggle out of you!  You love exploring the world around you.  Without any help from mom and dad, you figured out how crawl, climb on things, and go up and down stairs.  You  love when Dad gets home and crawl straight to him and can't wait for him to play with you.  I'm definitely your comfort and when I'm not around, you freak out!  Cried for a whole hour (which you never cry much at all) when I left you with a babysitter.  As soon as I came back, you were just fine.  

You've slept in our walk-in closet since birth as I wanted to keep you near and all the other bedrooms are downstairs. You were a good nurser and still are.  Sleeping through the night didn't come until I hit my exhaustion wall around 9months and physically couldn't get out of bed.  You love to eat anything I feed you and are happy to pick up the left over crumbs on the floor.  When we've gone to the beach you eat sand as if it's Cherrios.

Your brothers and sister love on you daily.  I love seeing their faces light up with excitement to see you.  Especially Ezralee, she rejoices in you every morning and for months will tell me when you're awake- "He's awake!" she exclaims and runs to you.  She offers hugs and kisses and you give them right back.  My hope is the two of you will be best friends your whole life! Your brothers never complain when I ask them to help you.  They try to convince me to let you sleep in their beds.

You love music and we all love watching your arms wave or your bum go up and down when you hear music.  Baths make you happy and frequently Colton helps bathe you.  You love balls and books too. 

Z-lee started calling you "Monts" so we all call you that now.  Dad calls you "Ming Ming" because you would roll around like a panda bear when snuggling.  Sometimes he calls you "Sooner" because people from work thought we were naming you Monsoon.  

We love you so much and we are abundantly grateful for a healthy first year of life!  

Love you eternally,

Mom

monson is so quite in the car he's like a good doggy. -Colton

MY BRAIN!!

Where to begin…how do I start…my mind is so clouded with so many thoughts and ideas that I could probably begin this journal entry 17 different ways. Most of the time I’m grateful for a mind that can think, process, reason, create, view things from multiple perspectives, engage in critical thinking, problem solve (usually too many solutions as the creative side likes to step in), etc. My brain can tell my body to breath, make my heart beat, and blink without me having to remind myself to do that…and thank goodness for that because remembering is not something I’ve been good at since my first born 10 years ago. Seriously, our brains do so many glorious things I am in awe with God’s creation of them. Lately I haven’t been able to shut my mind off, especially between 1-4am…argh! I’m not a fan of the late night processing as my brain unproductively contemplating over and over again. Heaven knows I need my SLEEP for the next day and a tired Mama is a grouchy Mama…not the kind I want to be! My prayers lately have been to master some control over my mind and NOT STRESS. So far my self talks are not working as the following thoughts run on repeat:

My kids need more of me…

The lawn needs to be cut before the Yard Waste is picked up tomorrow morning…think the neighbors would mind…I can’t sleep anyway…

Did I leave Doug’s dress shirt in the dryer over night?

I shouldn't have said this or did that…

Should we buy more food storage or pay off more Dental Student Loan debt…

How is that I can’t seem to get dinners on the table more regularly…

Did I change Z-lee’s diaper before she went to bed…I could sense she sensed my stress as she just wanted to be held longer…

How do I best fulfill my new church calling…

Concern for the future…presidential election, Doug’s career goals, my kid’s testiomony/work ethic/college options/preparing them to live in a very self gratifying world with Satan’s influence in the hearts of many…

I’ve really failed at teaching my kids to read…recent SBAC scores were a wake up call…must
be more diligent and stay in their rooms with them while they are reading at night so I can ask comprehension questions…that 30 minutes of “my time” will totally be worth it…

Broken dishes, stepping on crumbs, dirty socks laying around sure trigger a negative reaction out of me…they really shouldn’t…

Wish I could control my frustrations better, but I do think door slamming is cheaper than throwing a phone…

Doug sensed my feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities (again) and volunteered to clean the kitchen…but I guarantee he just did the dishes and didn’t clear the counters, wipe them down, sweep the floors, pull out the old food from fridge to go into the trash tomorrow (you know the ones that have missed trashed day week after week)…why am I even complaining, he was so sweet to offer especially after not getting home until close to 9pm (he works hard and then serves in the Church…isn’t that a good thing!)…

Then push repeat and add-on at least 3-13 more things I’m not doing well or tac on a few more creative ideas I want to implement, a prayer to God blessing all those people everyone is asking me to pray for and include myself that I can fall asleep, and that’s how I’ve been spending my nights. Super unproductive—-I KNOW! (except minus the praying…that’s productive) So then I tell myself, STOP, just stop thinking! Stop stressing, stop worrying, stop doing this to yourself!!! And then it just keeps going, so I say, ok well lets be somewhat productive—-let’s tap into that creative right brain that brings joy when a new idea arises to try in photography or teaching…

When all else fails, I whip out my scriptures and read…my eyes begin to burn as the light from my phone hurts them and then remind myself that light from screens trigger your brain to not make melatonin so that’s not good when you're trying to sleep. But, if there’s one benefit to scripture study, it is that my ungratefulness, self deprecation, negative attitude tend to shift to a better place where comfort, peace, and an eternal perspective fill in. Plus after a few chapters it usually puts me to sleep. Gods word is good for both body, mind, and soul!

And then your husband sends you this beautiful message via Facebook and I take a moment to thank my Father in Heaven for the abundant blessings He’s given me, especially a husband who truly loves me and encourages me…God is good and my hope is He can help make up for where I lack. 

https://www.facebook.com/PianoGuys/videos/1206467596042354/?pnref=story

Portland Oregon girls getaway- Katie's Surprise Wedding!!!