In honor of our Anniversary...

I thought I'd post this email I recently sent to a friend who is deciding if she should marry her boyfriend. She asked me the following question and got quite a lengthy answer (which is quite personal). It was good for me to finally write this down as I was not good about keeping a journal back then.

She asked:

"How did I know I wanted to marry Doug?"

Well, it wasn't love at first sight. When we started dating, it was just for fun. We both did not think it would go anywhere since I had a missionary I was planning on marrying and he was not into having serious relationships. I did think he was fun to be around and the more we spent time together, the more I liked him. We were honestly just ourselves around each other since there was no need for impressing because we "didn't see it going anywhere." Well, then that became what I really like about him. That I could just be me and he appreciated me for that. Before my missionary came home (about 5 months later), I had probably broken things off with Doug about 5 times. Once when he left for summer break (beginning of May), again when he left for Alaska (middle of May), and the other times were over the phone when I kept saying, we can't talk any more and then I'd call him again...I just couldn't stay 100% away from this person who had become a REALLY good friend. But when my missionary came home in July, I really felt I was done with Doug and ready to pursue marriage with John (my missionary). I flew to see John and I thought it was glorious and all until John started to pull away. He had known about Doug and I and I think that threw him. But from my perspective, I felt John wasn't willing to "fight" for us when Doug was, even through me telling him that I was going to marry someone else. Doug treated me differently, like I was the most important thing to him and that he wasn't going to jet out of the relationship the moment things got rough. He opened my eyes up to a whoIe new kind of relationship. I realized I needed someone I could rely on, who was stable, and who I felt loved me more than anything! I remember deeply sobbing after I found out John wasn't going to move close to me and I didn't see how we could continue to pursue our relationship in different states. I really was devasted, well who did I want to talk to about it...Doug. I knew he would listen to me, comfort me, and just love me and that's exactly what happened. Doug sincerely was a true friend.

John and I both felt that we were no longer supposed to be together and upon officially calling things off, the first person I wanted to call was Doug. Though hesitant to lead Doug on any further, I didn't want to dive into our relationship again because I wasn't for sure he was the one. I thought about a mission and dating other guys, but then everything kept coming back to him. Finally after many long walks and conversations with Doug, he finally asked me, "Do you love me?" And the reality was, "yes." I did love him. I loved how he treated me, I loved his humility, I loved his happy/ goofy personality, I loved how I was his #1 priority. After a wonderful October General Conference weekend, I realized that he had come into my life at the most perfect time. That the way things had worked out, I was able to find someone I trusted, respected, and admired. I knew then that if I were to pray about marrying Doug that the Lord would say, "YES!" That scared me because I wasn't sure I was really ready to get married. I know that might sound funny since I was committing to marry John, but even with him, I felt like we needed some time to "get to know" each other again. Well, by Thanksgiving Doug and I were ring shopping. I remember the first time we crossed the tile floor of the mall into the carpet of Zales, we were so nervous and wondering if anyone saw us...so funny looking back. It just felt right. We fasted and prayed about it and I of course got my "Amber, you already know this is right." answer. And I did, from that point on, I was 100% dedicated to Doug and I and I've never looked back since. Now for Doug, he got a "yes" and another "yes" and another "yes" because he fasted and prayed about it before we got engaged and then a couple more times while we were engaged...funny how the tables turned.

Doug wasn't exactly the person I saw myself with as we are different, but the reality is that he is PERFECT for me. We have different hobbies and interests, but are together on the most important issues: living the gospel of Jesus Christ, creating a close knit family, loving each other, etc. There are a some things we do enjoy doing together: being creative, working on projects, cooking, dancing, and one of the most important- creating, teaching, and loving our children. It was really important for me to marry someone who would be a good example to our children of love, righteousness, and who put the Lord first and wife second. I knew that if I married someone who loved the Lord and did His will in their life, then I'd be marrying someone who would help me through this life and the eternities. That's a real concept, this is the person you are choosing to be with for forever!

Despite differences and difficulties, this is the person you are choosing to go through it all with. I will say when your dating you don't quite understand it all until you are married and living it (and I'm still learning)...and I say "thank goodness" for that. If we really knew everything we were getting into, maybe we wouldn't choose it because marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. But it is the most wonderful thing at the same time. I can just imagine how glorious it will be for Doug and myself when we've progressed and become the person the Lord wants us to be for each other. It's a constant road of progression.

Happy Anniversary BABE!!! I LOVE YOU!!!